travis' brain dump

You know… it’s amazing how blowing a $1,700 transmission up can’t ruin your evening, heh it doesn’t even upset you because you know it’s easy to fix despite the fact it will cost you your first born… But saying the wrong thing and upsetting someone you care about because you’re a F`NG IDIOT? That can just make you feel like the lowest form of life on earth and suck the life right out of you…  I suck… I swear someone should just shoot me. *sigh*

I’m just glad I’ve got a friend as awesome as I do. Sharon let me borrow her car so I could still get to work… At least she’ll get all the maintenance stuff she wanted and more done to it finally, heh. I really don’t think I deserve a friends as awesome as the ones I have sometimes…

If you can’t walk the walk… don’t talk the talk.  It’s a simple philosophy that everyone should be able to follow right?

Wrong.

Evidently, many people in this world can’t get it through their heads that saying one thing and doing another is *NOT* the proper way to maintain a friendship. There’s a simple word for that no matter how many ways you cut it, justify it or otherwise rename it… it’s still called ‘ LYING! ‘  

You know… I think I’ve found one of the very items which has plagued me for the better part of my life… lack of appreciation and respect from people who I’ve deemed “friends”. I’m serious and I’ve friggin had it. I’m so burned up and out over this. I think quite honestly, it’s the root of a lot of my problems with people. All the “thank you” and “i’m glad you’re here for me” comments  in the world are awesome, but they don’t cut it when it boils down to it. Actions speak louder than words ever can. True friends show you that you’re an important part of their life by treating your with the respect and appreciation that you give them. They don’t lie to you or try to dress stuff up to make it look good based on the situation… They tell it like it is and sort out the pieces with you once the message is delivered.  When something happens, they are there for you, they drop everything or put their life on hold momentarily when you’re in a crisis or need someone to talk to and they actually open up to you about things that are bothering them and let you into their life as well. It’s a two way avenue.  I’ve done it… I’ve done everything from cancel dates, cut work and put my personal duties in life on hold to be there for people… Sadly, over the years I’ve come to discover there was a serious flaw in many of the relationships I’ve had with my friends and even romantic relationships. I poured all that I was into them and got what in return? Shut doors, lies, deceit, failed support in almost every aspect and most of all abandonment in the end. Yet, I seem to put all of that aside and I’m still there if any of them called me up and needed me… Why do I do this?  I sometimes wonder why I don’t I shut myself off…  Yet, I continue to get my ass handed to me because I keep putting it out there. Why? Because out of all of it, all of the damage that has been done I’ve found a chosen few who I know will never turn on me and will always be there for me as I will be for them. You know who you are and for the record, you mean the world to me. I truly do love you as my family.

Sadly, I’m actually depressed over this. I’m sick of some people and their inability to be honest and straight forward. I’m just frustrated…

I’m venting for the record. If anyone can learn something from this, it’s that you have to be honest when dealing with friends. If you lie, you will get caught eventually. We’re not talking about a little exaggeration either, we’re talking about bold faced, confronted, I even gave you a chance to come clean and you still couldn’t lies.

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