travis' brain dump

So… I wandered across the hall to bug Matt, I didn’t figure he’d have much going on seeing as how there’s not much going on. We’re talking and he says the funniest thing that I felt I had to include in my blog, however I can’t for the life of me remember. So, I IM him… he’s useless too.

I got some things repaired with our billing site. I’ll be happy when I have the information necessary to finish that little project, it’s just sitting there waiting.

Other than that… bored. I could think of a lot of things I’d rather be doing right now… two things mainly though…

 I think I’ve discovered a bug in the system with ordering and timestamping when dealing with multiple drafts in the queue. So, while I’m fixing it the site could be up and down periodically. Sorry if the orderings and timestamps are screwed in the meantime. 🙂

I think I’m also going to see if I can find a way to seperate the private sections from the general sections and somehow resolve the bug in the process… so frustrating, but at least it gives me something to focus on. 🙂

Aside from that… it’s a tired tired tired monday. It’s all good though. I hope everyone had a good weekend… Welcome to another one…

Trav 

If you can’t walk the walk… don’t talk the talk.  It’s a simple philosophy that everyone should be able to follow right?

Wrong.

Evidently, many people in this world can’t get it through their heads that saying one thing and doing another is *NOT* the proper way to maintain a friendship. There’s a simple word for that no matter how many ways you cut it, justify it or otherwise rename it… it’s still called ‘ LYING! ‘  

You know… I think I’ve found one of the very items which has plagued me for the better part of my life… lack of appreciation and respect from people who I’ve deemed “friends”. I’m serious and I’ve friggin had it. I’m so burned up and out over this. I think quite honestly, it’s the root of a lot of my problems with people. All the “thank you” and “i’m glad you’re here for me” comments  in the world are awesome, but they don’t cut it when it boils down to it. Actions speak louder than words ever can. True friends show you that you’re an important part of their life by treating your with the respect and appreciation that you give them. They don’t lie to you or try to dress stuff up to make it look good based on the situation… They tell it like it is and sort out the pieces with you once the message is delivered.  When something happens, they are there for you, they drop everything or put their life on hold momentarily when you’re in a crisis or need someone to talk to and they actually open up to you about things that are bothering them and let you into their life as well. It’s a two way avenue.  I’ve done it… I’ve done everything from cancel dates, cut work and put my personal duties in life on hold to be there for people… Sadly, over the years I’ve come to discover there was a serious flaw in many of the relationships I’ve had with my friends and even romantic relationships. I poured all that I was into them and got what in return? Shut doors, lies, deceit, failed support in almost every aspect and most of all abandonment in the end. Yet, I seem to put all of that aside and I’m still there if any of them called me up and needed me… Why do I do this?  I sometimes wonder why I don’t I shut myself off…  Yet, I continue to get my ass handed to me because I keep putting it out there. Why? Because out of all of it, all of the damage that has been done I’ve found a chosen few who I know will never turn on me and will always be there for me as I will be for them. You know who you are and for the record, you mean the world to me. I truly do love you as my family.

Sadly, I’m actually depressed over this. I’m sick of some people and their inability to be honest and straight forward. I’m just frustrated…

I’m venting for the record. If anyone can learn something from this, it’s that you have to be honest when dealing with friends. If you lie, you will get caught eventually. We’re not talking about a little exaggeration either, we’re talking about bold faced, confronted, I even gave you a chance to come clean and you still couldn’t lies.

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Interesting dream last night… It was one of those dreams that seem extremely real, extremely long as well…

Oddly I remember a lot of it.

Athe end of it, Andy (who was in the dream as well) and I had a very long conversation reflecting on our lives…
The final moments of that  conversation I remember the most about.

Part of the conversation between Andy and I:  

Andy, “I cannot comprehend. You were once one of the most favored knights and we stripped you of your title as if you were a commoner. Yet, when the time came, you still took up your sword in the name of King and Country. You stood by us all.”

“It’s all I knew to do. It is the purpose for my life. For this land and Her people, all I’ve known is love… and for that, I didn’t need a title to tell me that I was to do what I knew to be right.”

“But you risked your very being based on faith alone. Despite having reclaimed your honor and your title, was it worth the risk?”

“Aye, In my heart, I never lost my honor or my love and I’d do it again without hesitation.”

“And if you had perished?”

“I would have died knowing that it was not in vain. That I did what I had promised to do that day I knelt before Arthur and let him touch me with Excalibur. I would have retained my honor and love, even if it were only a quiet secret held in my heart.”

“I envy you… you never once lost your way.”

“Nay… In my heart… I was and forever will be, a knight of the round table.”

—

Evidently playing FFXI with Andy and Mike has had a strange impact on my dreams. heh

In the dream, Andy, who’s name was Artimus, was not only my best friend but was also the one who actually performed the ceremony that stripped me of my title when it was discovered that I was not of the bloodline I had claimed. Despite having done that, we had remained friends and this conversation took place while we were both recovering from wounds received in a battle which Camelot was almost lost.

It’s interesting… so many people I know were the faces of other characters in this dream. If you’re curious, ask. lol Really wierd stuff.