travis' brain dump

my eyes feel like they’ve sunk into my skull… i don’t know if it’s from lack of decent sleep or fiberglassing that hood scoop into my car or both… it’s like i’ve been high for days or something… *shrug*

i feel so drained, like i haven’t slept in days. true story for sunday night for sure… i didn’t actually try to go to sleep until sometime around 2am or 3, i can’t remember as i was fighting with my internet connection, which was still being crappy yesterday… yeah, but anyway, arwen kept me up after that waking up every 45-55 minutes after my attempt at sleep. needless to say, sleep didn’t happen for me there. i brought her into work with me yesterday for a while, then headed out early to take her to the doctors to make sure she wasn’t developing another urinary tract infection… only one of those spooked me and now it’s the first thing i look for when she has trouble going to the bathroom. i wonder sometimes if i just worry too much because out of the four suspected instances, only one of them – almost a year ago, was actually a valid infection. heh, the joys of being a parent. anyway… where does that put me? oh yeah… last night – headache – we all know what those are like for me… but hey, this is the first one i’ve had in a while… gotta be sleep/stress related for sure. i can only imagine what that means for me today … oh the joy.

i wish i could say otherwise i’m doing okay, but i can’t. i don’t even know if i’m coming or going today. last night’s sleep wasn’t really sleep at all… what i can’t remember (meaning i might have been asleep) was dreamless (obviously from the lack of remembering anything) so it was sort of pointless sleep. hey, at some point i’m bound to collapse and sleep well from pure exhaustion right? 🙂 i feel like one of those kids in a freddy movie, but i’m not afraid to sleep… odd.

i’m going to try to finish that hood today. maybe then i’ll feel like i accomplished something on personal level for myself … everything else is… heh yeah. think i’ll play some more ffxi too… however meaningless in the real world all those accomplishments are to anyone other than yourself, it kinda helps in some way. i’m kinda glad andy forced me back in… oh, speaking of. i’m sorry i didn’t make it in last night andy… after dealing with stuff i just didn’t feel like it, i couldn’t concentrate anyway. tonight, товарищ (tovarishch/comrade), you will not work alone i promise. (hold me to it and call me cussing if you have to bro)

so, yeah… i bet i’ll read this in a few days and go ‘ wtf? ‘ — i’m so tired.